Above all, therapy is a safe space. A confidential place just for you to stop and examine what is driving you; why you do what you don’t want to do; why you don’t do what you do want to do; why you can’t stop certain behaviours or thoughts; why you sabotage yourself…. the list is endless.
Therapy is where you go to come out of hiding and learn to like and appreciate yourself.
Ok, but how?
Most people arrive at therapy with a fairly clear idea of what they think is going to happen.
They expect to be helped, guided, perhaps even fixed. They assume there will be answers, strategies, something practical they can take away and apply. They want relief, and understandably so.
Some are hoping to be told what to do. Others want reassurance that they are not the problem. Many are simply exhausted and want things to feel easier.
All of that makes sense.
It is also where things start to go slightly off track.
Therapy is not advice.
It is not a set of techniques that neatly solve the issue you bring in.
It is not reassurance, although you may occasionally feel reassured.
It is not about removing discomfort as quickly as possible, although in my practice I like to leave clients feeling better from the first session.
Any kind of therapy usually turns attention towards the very places most people would rather avoid.
That sounds painful, but it is extremely cathartic. It’s a place where you will learn to stop judging yourself. You will look at things differently. You are, literally, set free.
It’s not painful, but it’s also not easy to do yourself.
Most of what drives behaviour is outside of awareness. Patterns repeat, reactions happen instantly, and the reasons behind them are usually constructed deep in the unconscious. The unconscious is protective, but often not logical, so we tell ourselves stories that make our behaviour seem reasonable, necessary, even inevitable.
Therapy brings attention to what is happening in real time. Not just what you think, but how you react, what you avoid, what you assume, what you defend. Over time, patterns that once felt automatic begin to come into view.
There is often a moment when someone realises that the problem is not quite where they thought it was. Or that they are participating in something they believed was being done to them. Those moments are the paradigm shifts.
Therapy does not remove the difficulties of life. The rollercoaster continues. There is no fairy tale at the end, or ‘happily ever after’.
Why do it?
Life becomes easier, more manageable. Your mind becomes clearer. You find yourself more able to cope with the shifting sands. You stop fighting what you can’t change, but you become more capable of changing what you can.
Many things are likely to gently change over time…. perceptions, values, beliefs, and quite likely your view of yourself and others.
What have you got to lose?
A small tip
Not all therapy is equal. I cover techniques, hypnotherapy, energy work, NLP, inner child healing, and many other modalities in other articles. Choose carefully, and make sure that you like the person who is helping you.
You don’t gel with everybody… that’s entirely normal, and no offence should be taken if you simply don’t feel like you have a right fit.